Dive bomb into a kiddie pool
From the 250th floor
Of an apartment complex
On a sweltering summer afternoon
Sweat dripping from foreheads as if
Freshly caught by Chris Hansen.
Land in the ice cold water
This drop in the bucket
Refreshing, saving souls
From the pits of hell.
For a moment at least
The brutal heat waiting
Just outside to get its turn again.
I stole this from a commercial
Sierra Mist: It’s kind of like that.
Why does it always feel
Like I’m alone in this world?
All day long I pick it up
pick it up pick it up
Is this what all those
ska songs were on about?
This Is a Poem Called ‘Applebees, Baby’
OKAY SO I’M AT A FUCKING APPLEBEES
AND I ORDER THE CHICKEN FINGERS
2 BLESSED 2 STRESS, I GUESS
SO I MUNCH THAT SHIT DOWN FASTER
THAN THE KENTUCKY EXPRESS
I ORDER A SECOND BATCH
AND THE SERVER GIVES ME A LOOK
I’M LIKE FUCK YOU/DON’T JUDGE ME
JUST GET ME A BASKET, FRY EM UP QUICK
I’M TRYING TO EAT ANOTHER SEVENTY OF THESE BITCHES
I DIE HERE IN THIS BOOTH PROBABLY
WHO FUCKING GIVES A SHIT?
APPLEBEES BRANDED CASKET
IS FREE WITH THE PURCHASE OF
SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND
PIECES OF CHICKEN, BREADED, BUTTER, BRANDED
KKUURRTT is glad you read his thing. His novel GOOD AT DRUGS is out on Back Patio Press. He can be found on Twitter at @wwwkurtcom.
Kelli Motel is a designer, illustrator, website-maker, and random objects collector from Richmond, VA. View more work at artkelli.com.
This month’s special comedy issue was guest edited by Danielle Chelosky.Danielle is a music journalist for Stereogum, Billboard, and MTV News and does stuff for Hobart Pulp and Rejection Letters. She writes a lot.