Excerpt from My Baby First Birthday by Jenny Zhang
which is why I am telling you about this now
it won’t go wasted on me
pink morning came on time
the worst haters mostly out of my life
still we have fun
haven’t I looked out enough windows
haven’t I lived on three continents
still my people call for me
this was not the journey they were forced to take
my thing was a pleasure thing
had to look up blue moon to enjoy it
I wasn’t born in the same country
your childhood wasn’t mine
your ghostly ache was felt in my bed
when another poet served opium cocktails
I was instantly humiliated
he heard me from the other room
we were having the same dream
someone finally came to take me away
becoming a person was easy
my mother was not involved
she was tiny pieces of herself
inside her mouthy cave
I was twitching from the wholeness
I heaved one great fart
after another after another
my greatest loves did not survive
tiny babies that never knew anything else
but their baby lives
I wanted to be babied too
I gave up everything to be babied
I told the love of my life
to baby me but he fell short
what if I was never born…
would you still want me?
if a person is happy five times or more
then that is a good life
I said that is a good life
there’s no point in resisting
it’s too late anyway—
we will figure out the rest from here